Forget Love..I'd Rather fall in Chocolate

Where are the Rocks?

2010-06-29T10:11:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I went to a funeral at our old church downtown. A good friend came in and sat down beside me and we were talking about all the memories we had there. The crow's nest on Sunday morning and the back row on Sunday nights. Having choir, training union, church and then fellowships. What fun times we had, I could see 100 youth up front doing Good News, we really rocked that church with that. First time drums and guitars had been in the sanctuary. I thought about all the adults that had shaped our lives into who we are today. They were the rocks of that church and held it together. I thought who are the rocks today, it scares me of where our church is going. Do we have any rocks, is my age group suppose to be the rocks. We are not our parents. So many of us have gone through divorce and our kids didn't have those rocks growing up. Our parents always knew where we were and who we were with. We wouldn't dare get out of line, because we not only faced our parents but we faced the parents of who we were with. So many of my friends have lost both parents now and I'm sure it won't be long till some more of us are added to the list. Back then there were only a few organizations in the church now there are about a dozen to choose from. No one is on the same page you just pick which one you think is best for you. I have a hard time understanding why parents let their children pick and choose what they want to do when it comes to church. We didn't have a choice if the door was open we were there. I'm just as guilty as the next parent, I didn't force Jamie to be there and look where he is today... I made mistakes and wasn't that rock that he needed. I just pray that parents today will make decisions for their children and stand up and be the rocks that we had in our lives growing up. I want the children of today to walk back in our sanctuary in 40 years and have a flood of memories of all the wonderful things they experienced there where they knew Jesus lived in each life.

Planning a Service

2010-06-27T20:46:00.002-05:00

The more I've sat with mother during the last few days, the more I see that her time here is coming to an end. I decided on Friday that I would start working on her funeral service, so I wouldn't have that facing me when the time gets here. I already knew who she wanted to do her service so that was not a problem. As I sat thinking about the music I knew a couple of songs that she would want done. This morning I was looking over the order of worship before the choir rehearsed for the service, I noticed two songs on there that just jumped out at me. I knew that those were the songs I had been searching for. Mother isn't a praise chorus type person, but I knew she would approve of these. Lesli told me that if I did any of the 7-11 praise choruses that Gram would come back and haunt me. I decided to go with "Surely the Presence" and "In the Presence of Jehovah". These are two of my favorite and as we sang them during the service there was a peace that came over me that I know I have made the right choice. My mother has lived her life for Jesus and I know that He will be there the day we have her service.

What Would Daddy Do?

2010-06-26T10:22:00.002-05:00

It's been 5 months since I posted anything, I don't have any excuses except I just haven't. Since the last post my mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and her health is about as bad as it can be and still be alive. I've thought often during this time what would my daddy do if he were still living. He would be taking care of her night and day and that's exactly what I am doing. They were married for 65 years and he waited on her all the time. I can't say the same for her, the week before he died she was gone to a football game. He always claimed he couldn't die during football season or mother would miss the funeral. He wasn't like that his family came first no matter what. Back to mother, a week ago when we went to the doctor she was down to 98 pounds (I'm sure she's smaller now). She has no appetite, even though I keep fixing her things and she will eat some of it and give the rest to the dog. I told the doctor that I wanted to check on getting home health and she said that she was calling hospice in. You could have knock me over when she said that, I didn't realize she was that bad. She explained when the weight dropped as low as it did it would only be a matter of time, because whatever she ate didn't have anything to absorb it. We called Hospice of Texarkana and they have been absolutely wonderful, such sweet people. Mother thinks they just come to visit she hasn't realized how bad she is. They sent a chaplain to visit with us and after talking to me he knew that we didn't need him that we were surrounded by wonderful Christian friends that are there for us in a heart beat. She can not be left alone now, so I have the responsiblity of being with her 24/7. When I do get to the point that I can't handle it anymore I have someone come and stay with her. My dear friend Jan who has been able to get mother to do anything comes and stays while I get out. Somedays I have to hire someone to come. While the nurse was here yesterday Mother's blood pressure was 60/40 and she was very concerned about this. After the visit with mother she sat and talked to me, when I told her that if I could keep her alive for two more weeks everyone would be back where they belong. Ross and Carolyn are in Florida and Rex and Mary are gone on a mission trip but all will be back July 10th. She didn't look really encouraging but said hopefully she will make it that long. I know her days are limited so if I have to sacrifice my life I will, I know that's what my daddy would do, but right now all he can do is wait for her to come home to him.

What's A Sister To Do?

2010-01-09T14:29:00.002-06:00

It's been 2 months since I posted anything, but I'm back and going to try to do better. Alot has happened including going through the holidays and mother being in the hospital again for falling in the kitchen. I keep telling her if she's going to fall please stay out of the kitchen and on the carpet. Lesli and I have decided that it's all the milkshakes she drinks from Chick-fil-A that is saving her from breaking something. This time around she required staples in her head, the doctors told her that they were going to do this. She thought they were kidding, but changed her mind when they came in and put 4 staples in. She looked at me and said dang that hurt, what did they do...
Now, on to the title of this blog. I received an email from my brother in Thailand that is coming for a visit in April. He was wanting me to try and change the bed out in the (guest bedroom) which no longer exist. Not only is the bed gone it is now Allyssa's room and has a baby bed in it. I really don't think he will like sleeping in that so guess I will be giving up my bedroom while he is here. I can either sleep with mother, sleep on the couch, or sleep on a blow up mattress in Allyssa's room. It will be one of the latter two that I will pick. What sister's do for the family to keep peace, because I certainly don't want mother on my case and hoping she stays on her feet till he gets here.

It's ME!!!!!

2009-11-02T19:09:00.002-06:00

I don't even remember the last time I blog, I think close to two months ago. I've just been busy and involved with things. What can I say, my world hasn't changed any, I still live in a zoo. I'm talking all we need is a lion and we would have one. We have the tigers, they are all over the house. We have the clowns, Allyssa and Jimmy (my 72 year old cousin) have decided to become and duet duo. They like to sit in the kitchen while they are eating and sing the song by Barney (the purple dinosaur) I love you, you love me. It probably wouldn't be so bad if they didn't try to see who could sing the loudest.
Then there is mother..... before it's over the the people at the bank are going to think I'm nuts. She told me on Friday that she didn't have any checks and she knows she ordered some. Not that she goes to the bank to do these things. I knew that she had been charged for a box of checks and so when I went by the bank on Saturday I said something to the lady and she told me she would check on it first thing Monday. She calls today and mother answers the phone and told her she didn't know what she was talking that she had a box of checks. When she hung up I asked her where the checks were and she said in her drawer and sure enough there was the box of checks that she claimed never came. (I now have the box of checks)... I told her today I was going to go to Silver Spoon and pick up some chicken salad for lunch. I pick my purse up and start out the door and she says while you are out running around why don't you get us something for lunch. I told her sure I'd be glad to......(at least she ate some when I brought it back home) more than I can say for the barbeque chicken from last week that she had me cook.
Oh well, that's about it from my little corner of the world.
I did have some rooms painted and mother says I like white.... well tough because they are now truepenny (burnt orange).....you would think that Longhorn fan would have liked that..

Zach

2009-09-15T18:01:00.002-05:00

I can't take credit for this blog, it was written by Lesli about her cousin....

I got a call at 5:30 Saturday morning from my mother. Everyone has a mental time frame of when their family can call to chat and when they call and you know something has to be terribly wrong. This was one of those times and in the split second that it took to register that my phone was ringing I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to hear. I assumed that my Gram had taken a turn for the worse...I never imagined it would be my 21 year old cousin. After, what we believe to be an accidental overdose while spending time with friends, Zach was clinging to life through machines at a Nashville hospital.
I was the closest family member in proximity and there was no question that I should be the one to go, so I hurried around in a state of shock to shower, eat breakfast, pack a small bag and get on the road. For 3 hours I rode in my car going over the details in my head. Holy crap, what the heck has just happened? I felt stunned and numb except for the pit in my stomach and prayed for a miracle that only our God could make happen.
When I arrived I was embraced by my aunt who reassured me that he was fighting. Of course he was fighting, fighting was his job. Zach was a solider and he had spent time in Iraq, jumped out of airplanes and studied at West Point. These thoughts flooded my brain and as I watched him in the hospital bed I kept secretly thinking wake up, wake up, please please wake up. It would have been just like Zach to wake up, look around and crack a joke about being late to the party.
Zach never did wake up & our hearts are all broken on so many levels. I was thinking on the way home, and it's hard to swallow, that our family will never be the same and there will always be a void. Zach and I had a special bond {Justin & I were married on his birthday} & I am grateful for our memories. I keep thinking fondly back to the time that Zach came and stayed 2 weeks with me while I was in Austin. We ate lots of Chick-fil-A and watched hours of Laguna Beach. I laugh thinking of his impersonation of Kristin Cavillari. "SteeePHEN"
As a family of Christ followers, the Lord has affirmed to us that Zach is with Jesus in heaven and that brings a calming peace that gets us through the moments of questioning and the stunned disbelief. It was Zach's wish to be an organ donor, so his organs will go first to help any solider in need and then Nashville, TN and beyond. It is my prayer that the 20-50 people that will benefit from this special gift will live their life with the vitality, fearlessness & gusto that Zach approached every situation he encountered in his life.

Natalie Grant's lyrics keep playing in my head & now I fully get their meaning ~ Held
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

TGIFT

2009-09-05T21:02:00.003-05:00

I was sitting here thinking I really need to update the blog, but couldn't decide what to talk about. All I have thought about for the last week is Thank God It's Football Time. I love football, it's been apart of my life since I was 8 months old. My parents started taking me to Texas High games at that age. I've been a fan ever since then. It's been a good weekend, THS won, Dallas Cowboys won, Baylor won, and Texas is up 51-10 in the 4th so I'm sure they will pull this one out. I brought my kids up on football, Lesli started going at 5 months and loves it as much as I do. Like me she loves College Gameday and pretty much plans her Saturdays on who is playing and when.... it isn't a good idea to join this family if you don't love the sport. There are some that have discovered this through the years. They have tried to change things but have never succeeded.
My mom went to the hospital on Monday with a bladder infection. Her doctor came in her room on Wednesday and told her she could go home and she would see her at the ballgame on Friday night. Obviously, everyone knows how much this family loves football, and don't even think about trying to change us....

2009-08-29T20:03:00.002-05:00

Sometime during my youth and childhood I must have done something really bad.. As I sit here writing this my mom has just put on a second load of clothes with only 5 items in it. I'm not sure why she is so obssessed with running the washing machine. I change the dog's food to can today and everytime I've walked in the kitchen I've noticed that the dog has dry food in her bowl. Either Dusty is filling her own bowl up or mother can't handle the dog bowl being empty. Last night we went to the THS ballgame and she fussed all the way there, it doesn't matter about what but everyone in the car was in a bad mood by the time we got to the stadium. I made her ride the elevator to the platform in front of the pressbox and sit up there. She kept saying that she couldn't see, I'm not sure why since it's like having a luxury box above everyone else's head. You aren't crowded you have a comfortable seat to sit in and if you need a bathroom and anything else you just walk in the pressbox. Did I mention she has her own parking space right at the gate where the elevator is located. She fussed all the way home because I wouldn't turn the lights on bright because she couldn't see. I finally said mother I can see fine, it doesn't matter if you can't see, you aren't driving. Once again, she told me that she wished they had shot her when they made her quit driving. They did this in 2005, and I have heard that everyday since then. I'm about to have that arrange (for someone to shoot her).... Oh well, she's gone to bed so there is peace and quite then we will start over tomorrow. Maybe things will be different tomorrow, after all tomorrow is another day.......

Are you ready for some football...

2009-08-24T14:20:00.002-05:00

What a beautiful morning it was today, low 60's, just perfect for football.. I took mother to the coach's chat for lunch, so she could get all the info on the team this year. She was more interested in who all was there than what will be going on on the field come Friday night. She is so determined to once again climb 16 rows to her seat, I'm praying come Friday night she will decide to ride the elevator and sit on the platform in front of the press box. Who in there right mind would want to have to climb that many rows and sit crowded when you could have what is like a luxury box. They have even told her she could get food out of the press box if she wanted it. I think it's the fact that she wants to be seen so everyone will know she's still making it to the games starting her 63rd year. Her eyesight and hearing are going, but she will be there on Friday night still fussing at the referees on the bad call they made, even if she didn't really see it. Hope everyone has a great season and all the players stay healthy. As for me I'm ready for College Game Day, I love that show....and college football. Let's go LONGHORNS!!!!!

What A Blessing...

2009-08-23T18:09:00.002-05:00

For those growing up in Texarkana, sometime during your life you would have met a man named Dr. William E. Shields, fondly known to many of us as Doc. This man was a fabulous surgeon by trade, but more importantly he was a devoted Christian who served his Lord. Those of us that grew up at First Baptist Church, he was always a part of our lives. We spent hours in his home and many miles traveling the USA going on mission trips. We have listened to him sing in the choir, in the Seven Last Words, and many more things. He turned 90 years old yesterday and he sang in church this morning. The tenor voice is starting to fade but he still blessed everyone that heard him sing "Amazing Grace" in our morning service. His body is crippled now but he is still praising his Savior. When he got up to sing I looked at the girl next to me and asked if she had a kleenex because I knew the tears were going to flow. As they did, a flood of memories washed over me. Not only did this man save my life when I was 15 from appendicitus he taught me what missions was all about. Thank you Doc, for being a part of my life.

Old Friends Are Best

2009-08-21T19:09:00.003-05:00

It's been a rough couple of weeks around here so I haven't posted anything because you probably wouldn't need to read anything that I would have to say about my life. This week I've had trouble with my blood pressure (more than likely Jamie's fault). For some reason he thinks he's on vacation and doesn't like how the hotel is treating him so he calls me and complains.....
Anyway, I was sitting here today reading and the phone rang and this sweet male voice said what are you doing. At first I thought, yeah an obscene phone call, but then I realized I recognized it just as he said his name. It was a precious friend from high school that I had not seen in nearly 40 years. He was in town and wanted to stop by, it didn't matter to him that it was one of those days that I didn't bother to put make-up on. We had a wonderful visit, he was thrilled to see mother. Our parents were friends so we were more like brother and sister than anything else. We talked old times and what had been going on his world. He's lost both parents, I remember his mom was one of the most beautiful women I knew and his dad was a hoot to be around. They both had so much class and it rubbed off him. He will be back in a few weeks for his 40th class reunion, which I'm going to crash. Yes, he's married, but I can't wait to see him again. Love ya Dudley!!!

It's About Time

2009-08-05T19:33:00.002-05:00

I was thinking today that I haven't done a post in over a week, so decided I needed to come up with something to say. Well during the last month I have sat through 2 custody hearings, which brings me to say. I should have been a lawyer. I truly believe you don't have to be that smart or have a whole lot of sense to be one. I've listened to two different ones ask questions that had nothing to do with the cases and sometimes didn't even make sense. Like the lawyer that asked me what time another family went to bed. Excuse me, I don't live with them and have no clue. Not only did she ask it once she ask it two or three times. I haven't figured out till yet what made her think I would know what time my ex-daughter-in-laws grandparents went to bed. On Monday of this week I sat through another custody hearing and listened as the lawyer ask more questions that didn't make sense. The judge ended the trial and as he was leaving the bench this lawyer kept asking questions, finally the judge turned around and said well I guess we are back in session everyone may sit down. I sat there and thought where do these people come from, obviously not from the land of common sense. A trial wouldn't last but about 30 minutes if they would ask a question pertaining to the case and not ask it 5 or 6 times just worded differently. I'm sure the judges would appreciate it that way they could get to the golf course quicker...

How Ya Doin?

2009-07-28T13:53:00.002-05:00

Last night, I was sitting with a friend in the emergency room, and if we were asked once we were asked 100 times how we were doing. First off, we are in the ER if we were doing fine we wouldn't be here. Second, don't ask if you don't want to know. We had been sitting there for 5 hours when a nurse walked by and probably really didn't care but asked anyway. I said well we are in the ER which means there is something wrong. We have been sitting here for 5 hours which is helping the situation. She said I'm sorry let me see what I can do, I really didn't expect to see her again but in just a minute she came back around the corner and said come on. My first thought was why didn't I say that 4 hours ago..... I came up with a brilliant idea while I was sitting there all that time. I realize that the ER is an extremely busy place, but when they have determined what is wrong with the patient and all they are doing is waiting for a bed upstairs they need a place to move them to till that bed becomes available. If they would have a holding place like they do for surgery, then that would clear up the rooms in the ER so people wouldn't have to wait so long to be seen. So, from now on don't ask me how I'm doin unless you really want to know....

90 Years Ago Today

2009-07-17T19:23:00.003-05:00

The world was blessed with a wonderful baby boy 90 years ago today. When he was just a child he was bitten by a water moccasin and shouldn't have lived. A few years later he fell off a wagon which ran over him, the only thing that saved him was the ground was very soft and he sank into it. He survived WWII and came home to have his foot run over by an 18 wheeler. At the age of 70 he had a massive heart attack and had 5 by-passes, at the age of 80 he had another heart attack and had 3 by-passes. At the age of 83 he contracted a disease called necrotizing fachitus. A very deadly flesh eating bacteria, that the doctors said he got by shaking hands with people. He lay between life and death for 4 days as we were told he wouldn't make it we started to make arrangements. He survived once again. The doctors called it a miracle from God. Later that year he kept getting sick and when they finally figured out what was happening we knew that it was only a matter of time till he wouldn't make it. The bacteria which he had survived in May had been cleared from his body but we didn't realize it had attached itself to the wire on his pacemaker. It was just a waiting period to till it would eat through the wire and he would be gone. On December 21, 2003 his many lives had run out and he went home to be with his heavenly Father. To so many he was Jones, Virgil, V.W., Pop-Pop, uncle Jones, but to me he was daddy. I wish he was here today to celebrate number 90, because he loved parties and having a good time.

Quite Afternoon at Home

2009-07-14T14:47:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here watching Law and Order SVU marathon, and it is so quite. Little sweet pea is at her great-grandparents playing with cousins. Mother is at rehab, left complaining about she shouldn't have to go that she could walk around the block here and play silly games. Rehab called and said they were dismissing her this week, except for the neck massages. The lady told me when she told mother they were going to dismiss her that she said what are you kicking me out. The lady was laughing when she was telling me about it because it was like she didn't want to leave after complaining all this time about going. She fell again last week, I'm just waiting for her to break something. I can't believe she can just keep falling and not get hurt.
Guess I should get up and get 3 loads of clothes folded while I have some time. Mother will be back at 4 and Allyssa at 6 and it will get busy and noisy around here then. Have a great rest of the week.

Is the week over already???

2009-07-10T19:39:00.002-05:00

I can't believe it's Friday evening already, seems like it was just Monday. What has gone on this week? Oh yeah, does everyone know that Michael Jackson died and had a 3 hour memorial service, and now his family is fighting over where to bury him. I think it's sad that the entire world has had to listen and watch this constantly on the news. If I recall there were five other celebrities that have died in the last week and there was very little mentioned about them. They all died from natural causes and not from a drug overdose (which I firmly believe will be the reason). Can you name the other five? Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Gale Storm (My Little Margie), Billy Mays, and Karl Malden. Hope those are all spelled right, since they didn't get much coverage I'm not sure. By the way when I die, my plot is in Chapelwood Cemetary, so please don't fight over where to put me.

Did I Make That Ruling????

2009-07-07T20:16:00.002-05:00

It is strange that you can sit in a court room, have the judge make a decision and somehow you come out the bad guy. Last week at the trial the judge ruled and for some reason everyone on the other side is mad at me. Then when they talk to you they act like they really didn't hear or understand what he said. When he says you get the baby every other Tuesday from 8am-6pm, no where in there does he mention keeping her overnight. So why when you pick the baby up, do you say do i bring her back the next evening. One those has a college degree, I can't imagine how they ever became a teacher. It just amazes me, but then I've come to the conclusion that when he awarded me custody, they went brain dead and didn't hear anything else. Maybe you should take notes so you won't forget when you walk out of the courtroom.

The Week That Was

2009-07-05T18:59:00.003-05:00

Have you ever had one of those weeks that you think if you survive it you can conquer the world. I had one of those last week. Starting on Sunday, June 28, the sanctuary choir at FBC, Texarkana had their big patriotic service, being a member of this choir I was apart of this. The next morning Vacation Bible School began. Thank goodness I was in bed babies, we had over 600 kids coming to VBS and they were all full speed ahead.
On top of all of this, I knew on Thursday that I was going to have one of the most stressful days of my life. We were going to court for Jamie and Jessica's divorce and custody hearing. On Tuesday evening, Jessica called and asked if Jim (my ex) and I would take care of the baby on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and she would have her the rest of the week. I thought, honey, we haven't even been to court yet and you are arranging things. That same night I talked to Jim and he informs me if called to testify he would testify for Jessica and not our son. Talk about unconditional love, obviously he never heard of that. We get to court and our lawyer says he's going to offer them what Jessica had suggested and she had her lawyer turn it down. For what reason none of us have figured that one out. After a trial that lasted over 3 hours, I was awarded custody of my precious granddaughter. Jessica ended up only getting to see her 2 days a week and the ex and his wife get her every other Tuesday for the day. They should have taken the deal they were offered because their greediness all came back to bite them in the butt. I'm still trying to figure out what made them think the mother was going to get the baby, because for the last 10 months, she has not had a permanent home or job. I'm the only stability that Allyssa has known. It's hard to win something when there are loads of Christians praying for the outcome to be in God's hands and what is best for the baby. Thank you to all that were praying last Thursday the prayers were definitely felt. I'm now like the dog that chases the car once he catches it what is he going to do with it. Probably just love her and care for her, with that unconditional love that every parent and grandparent should give.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame.....Maybe

2009-06-24T21:09:00.004-05:00

Mother with two of the players Randall Fant (Left) and Nathan Sorenson (Right)

About a month ago I told my 85 year old mother that if two of the high schools in Texarkana made it to the state baseball championship tournament "I" was seriously thinking about going....well she says that could be "OUR" vacation. I thought unless you have a frog in your pocket I didn't mention you going. Well it so happened that Pleasant Grove and Texas High both made it to the tournament so off we went to Austin, TX.... I took two of my close friends with me and it took all of us to keep track of her, (she wonders off like a little child). She has been an avid sports fan for Texas High since 1946. She was priviledged to see them win state in football in 2002 and was so excited about going on this trip. After THS won the semi-final game on Wednesday afternoon, I thought wow we may have a chance to win it all this year. We had 4 top college signees on this team. One of those 4 got drafted in the first round of the baseball draft two days before the tournament. On Thursday, Texas High won it's first state baseball championship and mother was there to witness it. Everyone, including her doctor just knew she would never survive the trip but when her Tigers won she had tears in her eyes and said well I've finally seen it and I'm ready to go be with Jones (my daddy who passed away in 2003. Pleasant Grove didn't fair as well as they got beat in the semi-final game of their division. I hated that because how awesome would it have been to have two state champions from the same town.

As I'm sitting watching LSU and Texas play the final game of the college world series it isn't looking good for Texas.... how I wish that Texas could win because she loves those Longhorns as much as she does her Tigers. But is I can only have one championship this year I'm glad it was the Tigers, they have never won before and TEXAS has several under their belt....

Father's Day

2009-06-21T20:20:00.002-05:00

I've listened all day long to people wishing everyone Happy Father's Day. If you've lost your father it isn't a very happy day. I lost my daddy 5 1/2 years ago and I miss him as much today as I did the day he died. The love he had for his family was amazing and the type that I would wish for everyone. We weren't wealthy but we never did without or want for anything. He was there no matter what was going on in our lives. He raised 6 kids, his parents died when he was only 21 and he took his two younger brothers (7 and 11) and brought them up as his own. He gave us the love that only a Christian father could give. I'm thankful for that because the love he taught me about my Heavenly Father is what gets me through days like this. If you still have your daddy give him an extra hug and tell him how much you love him while you still can.

I've Only Just Begun

2009-06-18T16:23:00.004-05:00

I've decided that if everyone in the world can blog surely I can figure it out. I can't even figure out how to download pictures on websites, so this should be an entirely new experience. This will probably be mainly about my world and the crazy things that go on around here. You might say I run a nursery and a nursing home, so there will be lots to talk about.