Where are the Rocks?

Yesterday, I went to a funeral at our old church downtown. A good friend came in and sat down beside me and we were talking about all the memories we had there. The crow's nest on Sunday morning and the back row on Sunday nights. Having choir, training union, church and then fellowships. What fun times we had, I could see 100 youth up front doing Good News, we really rocked that church with that. First time drums and guitars had been in the sanctuary. I thought about all the adults that had shaped our lives into who we are today. They were the rocks of that church and held it together. I thought who are the rocks today, it scares me of where our church is going. Do we have any rocks, is my age group suppose to be the rocks. We are not our parents. So many of us have gone through divorce and our kids didn't have those rocks growing up. Our parents always knew where we were and who we were with. We wouldn't dare get out of line, because we not only faced our parents but we faced the parents of who we were with. So many of my friends have lost both parents now and I'm sure it won't be long till some more of us are added to the list. Back then there were only a few organizations in the church now there are about a dozen to choose from. No one is on the same page you just pick which one you think is best for you. I have a hard time understanding why parents let their children pick and choose what they want to do when it comes to church. We didn't have a choice if the door was open we were there. I'm just as guilty as the next parent, I didn't force Jamie to be there and look where he is today... I made mistakes and wasn't that rock that he needed. I just pray that parents today will make decisions for their children and stand up and be the rocks that we had in our lives growing up. I want the children of today to walk back in our sanctuary in 40 years and have a flood of memories of all the wonderful things they experienced there where they knew Jesus lived in each life.

Planning a Service

The more I've sat with mother during the last few days, the more I see that her time here is coming to an end. I decided on Friday that I would start working on her funeral service, so I wouldn't have that facing me when the time gets here. I already knew who she wanted to do her service so that was not a problem. As I sat thinking about the music I knew a couple of songs that she would want done. This morning I was looking over the order of worship before the choir rehearsed for the service, I noticed two songs on there that just jumped out at me. I knew that those were the songs I had been searching for. Mother isn't a praise chorus type person, but I knew she would approve of these. Lesli told me that if I did any of the 7-11 praise choruses that Gram would come back and haunt me. I decided to go with "Surely the Presence" and "In the Presence of Jehovah". These are two of my favorite and as we sang them during the service there was a peace that came over me that I know I have made the right choice. My mother has lived her life for Jesus and I know that He will be there the day we have her service.

What Would Daddy Do?

It's been 5 months since I posted anything, I don't have any excuses except I just haven't. Since the last post my mother has been diagnosed with Alzheimers and her health is about as bad as it can be and still be alive. I've thought often during this time what would my daddy do if he were still living. He would be taking care of her night and day and that's exactly what I am doing. They were married for 65 years and he waited on her all the time. I can't say the same for her, the week before he died she was gone to a football game. He always claimed he couldn't die during football season or mother would miss the funeral. He wasn't like that his family came first no matter what. Back to mother, a week ago when we went to the doctor she was down to 98 pounds (I'm sure she's smaller now). She has no appetite, even though I keep fixing her things and she will eat some of it and give the rest to the dog. I told the doctor that I wanted to check on getting home health and she said that she was calling hospice in. You could have knock me over when she said that, I didn't realize she was that bad. She explained when the weight dropped as low as it did it would only be a matter of time, because whatever she ate didn't have anything to absorb it. We called Hospice of Texarkana and they have been absolutely wonderful, such sweet people. Mother thinks they just come to visit she hasn't realized how bad she is. They sent a chaplain to visit with us and after talking to me he knew that we didn't need him that we were surrounded by wonderful Christian friends that are there for us in a heart beat. She can not be left alone now, so I have the responsiblity of being with her 24/7. When I do get to the point that I can't handle it anymore I have someone come and stay with her. My dear friend Jan who has been able to get mother to do anything comes and stays while I get out. Somedays I have to hire someone to come. While the nurse was here yesterday Mother's blood pressure was 60/40 and she was very concerned about this. After the visit with mother she sat and talked to me, when I told her that if I could keep her alive for two more weeks everyone would be back where they belong. Ross and Carolyn are in Florida and Rex and Mary are gone on a mission trip but all will be back July 10th. She didn't look really encouraging but said hopefully she will make it that long. I know her days are limited so if I have to sacrifice my life I will, I know that's what my daddy would do, but right now all he can do is wait for her to come home to him.

What's A Sister To Do?

It's been 2 months since I posted anything, but I'm back and going to try to do better. Alot has happened including going through the holidays and mother being in the hospital again for falling in the kitchen. I keep telling her if she's going to fall please stay out of the kitchen and on the carpet. Lesli and I have decided that it's all the milkshakes she drinks from Chick-fil-A that is saving her from breaking something. This time around she required staples in her head, the doctors told her that they were going to do this. She thought they were kidding, but changed her mind when they came in and put 4 staples in. She looked at me and said dang that hurt, what did they do...
Now, on to the title of this blog. I received an email from my brother in Thailand that is coming for a visit in April. He was wanting me to try and change the bed out in the (guest bedroom) which no longer exist. Not only is the bed gone it is now Allyssa's room and has a baby bed in it. I really don't think he will like sleeping in that so guess I will be giving up my bedroom while he is here. I can either sleep with mother, sleep on the couch, or sleep on a blow up mattress in Allyssa's room. It will be one of the latter two that I will pick. What sister's do for the family to keep peace, because I certainly don't want mother on my case and hoping she stays on her feet till he gets here.

It's ME!!!!!

I don't even remember the last time I blog, I think close to two months ago. I've just been busy and involved with things. What can I say, my world hasn't changed any, I still live in a zoo. I'm talking all we need is a lion and we would have one. We have the tigers, they are all over the house. We have the clowns, Allyssa and Jimmy (my 72 year old cousin) have decided to become and duet duo. They like to sit in the kitchen while they are eating and sing the song by Barney (the purple dinosaur) I love you, you love me. It probably wouldn't be so bad if they didn't try to see who could sing the loudest.
Then there is mother..... before it's over the the people at the bank are going to think I'm nuts. She told me on Friday that she didn't have any checks and she knows she ordered some. Not that she goes to the bank to do these things. I knew that she had been charged for a box of checks and so when I went by the bank on Saturday I said something to the lady and she told me she would check on it first thing Monday. She calls today and mother answers the phone and told her she didn't know what she was talking that she had a box of checks. When she hung up I asked her where the checks were and she said in her drawer and sure enough there was the box of checks that she claimed never came. (I now have the box of checks)... I told her today I was going to go to Silver Spoon and pick up some chicken salad for lunch. I pick my purse up and start out the door and she says while you are out running around why don't you get us something for lunch. I told her sure I'd be glad to......(at least she ate some when I brought it back home) more than I can say for the barbeque chicken from last week that she had me cook.
Oh well, that's about it from my little corner of the world.
I did have some rooms painted and mother says I like white.... well tough because they are now truepenny (burnt orange).....you would think that Longhorn fan would have liked that..

Zach

I can't take credit for this blog, it was written by Lesli about her cousin....


I got a call at 5:30 Saturday morning from my mother. Everyone has a mental time frame of when their family can call to chat and when they call and you know something has to be terribly wrong. This was one of those times and in the split second that it took to register that my phone was ringing I tried to mentally prepare myself for what I was going to hear. I assumed that my Gram had taken a turn for the worse...I never imagined it would be my 21 year old cousin. After, what we believe to be an accidental overdose while spending time with friends, Zach was clinging to life through machines at a Nashville hospital.
I was the closest family member in proximity and there was no question that I should be the one to go, so I hurried around in a state of shock to shower, eat breakfast, pack a small bag and get on the road. For 3 hours I rode in my car going over the details in my head. Holy crap, what the heck has just happened? I felt stunned and numb except for the pit in my stomach and prayed for a miracle that only our God could make happen.
When I arrived I was embraced by my aunt who reassured me that he was fighting. Of course he was fighting, fighting was his job. Zach was a solider and he had spent time in Iraq, jumped out of airplanes and studied at West Point. These thoughts flooded my brain and as I watched him in the hospital bed I kept secretly thinking wake up, wake up, please please wake up. It would have been just like Zach to wake up, look around and crack a joke about being late to the party.
Zach never did wake up & our hearts are all broken on so many levels. I was thinking on the way home, and it's hard to swallow, that our family will never be the same and there will always be a void. Zach and I had a special bond {Justin & I were married on his birthday} & I am grateful for our memories. I keep thinking fondly back to the time that Zach came and stayed 2 weeks with me while I was in Austin. We ate lots of Chick-fil-A and watched hours of Laguna Beach. I laugh thinking of his impersonation of Kristin Cavillari. "SteeePHEN"
As a family of Christ followers, the Lord has affirmed to us that Zach is with Jesus in heaven and that brings a calming peace that gets us through the moments of questioning and the stunned disbelief. It was Zach's wish to be an organ donor, so his organs will go first to help any solider in need and then Nashville, TN and beyond. It is my prayer that the 20-50 people that will benefit from this special gift will live their life with the vitality, fearlessness & gusto that Zach approached every situation he encountered in his life.


Natalie Grant's lyrics keep playing in my head & now I fully get their meaning ~ Held
This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and to know
That the promise was when everything fell
We'd be held

TGIFT

I was sitting here thinking I really need to update the blog, but couldn't decide what to talk about. All I have thought about for the last week is Thank God It's Football Time. I love football, it's been apart of my life since I was 8 months old. My parents started taking me to Texas High games at that age. I've been a fan ever since then. It's been a good weekend, THS won, Dallas Cowboys won, Baylor won, and Texas is up 51-10 in the 4th so I'm sure they will pull this one out. I brought my kids up on football, Lesli started going at 5 months and loves it as much as I do. Like me she loves College Gameday and pretty much plans her Saturdays on who is playing and when.... it isn't a good idea to join this family if you don't love the sport. There are some that have discovered this through the years. They have tried to change things but have never succeeded.
My mom went to the hospital on Monday with a bladder infection. Her doctor came in her room on Wednesday and told her she could go home and she would see her at the ballgame on Friday night. Obviously, everyone knows how much this family loves football, and don't even think about trying to change us....